


When You're With Me, No Judgement

by xlifefulloflaughterx



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Pregnant Sex, Trauma, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:00:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25136560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xlifefulloflaughterx/pseuds/xlifefulloflaughterx
Summary: Karen blinked back shocked tears, steadying her shaky hands by leaning against the counter.Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she looked down at it again.Pregnant.Her heart was pounding in her ears. She hadn’t planned this. They’d only been sleeping together for a little over two months…
Relationships: Frank Castle/Karen Page
Comments: 10
Kudos: 146





	When You're With Me, No Judgement

Karen blinked back shocked tears, steadying her shaky hands by leaning against the counter. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she inspected her hair thrown back in a messy ponytail with loose strands sticking up at odd angles. Her face was an ashy shade of grey. She laughed out loud despite herself – it was either that or she might start sobbing.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, she looked down at it again.

Pregnant.

Splashing some water on her face and tucking the stray hair behind her ear, she emerged from the bathroom and sank down onto the couch, staring blankly at the wall.

There were so many emotions, she could hardly distinguish one from another.

First there was elation. She had always wanted to be a mom, even in the times where she questioned whether she could really take care of another human being when she was so bad at taking care of herself.

Then there was disbelief. She felt like she was in a dream and nothing was real. Like this was happening to someone else.

And finally, fear. Fear of the unknown, fear that it was too good to be true, fear of what this meant…

Her heart was pounding in her ears. She hadn’t planned this. They’d only been sleeping together for a little over two months…

In classic Frank fashion, he’d disappeared after she helped him escape that hospital only to show up at her door covered in blood a few months later. The chemistry boiled over one night, over a bottle of wine as she helped him change his bandage. They’d ended up in bed, all passionate kisses and heady moans.

She hadn’t asked for anything more from him, knew he couldn’t and wouldn’t make promises of white picket fences and happy endings.

Instead, he made an effort to come by a few times a month, stayed the night more often than not.

It was bizarre, watching Frank Castle cook in her kitchen or with his feet kicked up on the coffee table while she picked out a movie. Domesticity suited him. He was becoming more relaxed, letting his guard down. But she knew that any reminder that he might still be the same husband and father he once was would spook him, so she kept those thoughts to herself.

But now…how was she going to break this news to him? She bit down on her lip as the tears resurfaced and she tried to pull herself back from jumping straight to worst case scenario. She liked to think she knew Frank, after all this time and everything they’d been through, watched each other go through. But this, she wasn’t sure how he was going to react to this.

She moved through the next few days on autopilot, in a zombie-like state. Throwing herself into work had always been a coping mechanism when there were personal matters she wanted to hide from for a while.

She was exhausted as she made her way up the stairs of her apartment building that Friday night, wanting nothing more than to collapse into bed and sleep all weekend.

Someone had other plans.

She could smell it as she pushed open the door to her floor, herbs filling the hallway, seeping out under the door to her place. She should have known he’d show up soon, she hadn’t seen him in two weeks now.

Taking out her key and inhaling deeply through her nose, she unlocked the door, stepping inside and closing it behind her.

There was a pot on the stove bubbling away, plates set on the little dining room table in the corner. She shrugged off her coat, hanging it next to his and kicking off her heels.

When he walked out of the bathroom, she closed the distance between them and wrapped him up in a hug.

“Hey…” he greeted her quietly, a hint of a question in his tone when she held on a little longer than usual.

“Hey” she whispered, giving him one last squeeze before she released him, doing her best to act like her world hadn’t been turned on its head.

His expressive brown eyes searched hers, flicking back and forth over her face, brow creased.

“You look tired”

“I am” she released a breath, turning to head into the bedroom to change.

When she returned in some leggings and an oversized t-shirt, he was serving the spaghetti.

“If you’re not feelin’ up to it, you can re-heat it later…” he glanced up as she approached.

“I’m fine…it smells amazing Frank” she sat down with one leg folded under her.

Winding the pasta around her fork and taking a bite, she was reminded of his culinary skills. He was a great cook, far better than her.

She almost took a sip from the glass beside her when she realised he’d bought red wine. She covered it well.

“Want some water?” she asked him, getting up to get some herself.

“No thanks” he replied, digging into his own food.

“It’s really good” she told him genuinely. He gave her a small smile in return.

They ate in comfortable silence but Karen knew he wouldn’t fail to notice her untouched wine. That alone wouldn’t draw too much suspicion, but she needed to tell him and the longer she left him in the dark, the worse it would be.

She didn’t manage to eat the whole plate, her appetite even smaller considering the impending conversation, but she sat back full and satisfied as he cleared the plates away.

“You didn’t have to wash up too but thank you” she told him when he was done.

With more confidence than she felt, she took her glass of wine and settled on the couch. He took the hint and joined her.

She turned her body so she was sideways, facing him. She offered him the glass.

“You don’t want it?”

She shook her head and he took it, taking a slow sip. They stayed like that for a little while, her head resting on his shoulder, his thumb stroking back and forth over the back of her neck as he finished the glass. She enjoyed the moment, hearing his heartbeat under her ear and the slow rise and fall of his chest. 

Eventually, he leaned forward to put the empty glass on the coffee table.

“What’s up?” he asked.

She lifted her head. He just stared back at her patiently. She shuffled back a little on the couch and he let his hand drop. She looked down, picking at her nail polish to give her something to do with her hands. Working up the courage, she stood.

“I’ll be back in a second”

Heading into the bathroom, she opened the drawer where she kept her skincare and pulled it out. Looking at herself in the mirror, she gave her reflection a little nod of encouragement.

His eyes tracked her across the room as she returned, sitting back down but slightly further away.

“I don’t really know how to say this…” she whispered, pulling in a slow breath. Reaching forwards, she placed the test on the coffee table in front of him.

He looked at her, then down at the test and back at her.

There was a moment of silence, when it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room, and then he slowly reached for it. Picking it up and turning it over in his fingers, he stared at the result on the little screen. It wasn’t a faint line. There was no mistaking it. The word was right there, staring him in the face.

This time the silence was deafening. Her heart was in her mouth.

He blinked at it, and she suspected he was as shocked as she had been. She suddenly felt uncomfortable, like it was unfair that she’d been able to digest this alone, to come to terms with it. Seeing him try to process it felt like watching a car wreck, like he needed privacy.

When he glanced back at her, his eyes were shining. But she didn’t see the elation she’d felt, all she could see was fear. But that wasn’t the worst part. The pain…that was the worst. As he put the test back on the table and brought a hand up to scrub at his face, she quickly wiped away the tear that rolled down her cheek. He didn’t need her crying right now.

He still hadn’t said anything. A part of her just wanted him to tell her it was okay, that they’d work it out and everything would be fine. But that wasn’t fair on him. So she pulled herself together, dabbing her eyes with the bottom of her shirt.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to…I understand if you want some time alone”

She stood, resolved not to fall apart. She filled another glass with water and paused in the doorway to the bedroom. “I don’t expect anything from you Frank, if you need to leave that’s okay”

She hoped he understood her choice of the word ‘need’ rather than ‘want’.

Climbing into bed, she curled up under the blankets and stared at the wall. She was so exhausted that despite her brain still running on overdrive, she started to drift off.

But then she felt the bed dip beside her. She couldn’t help it when she felt his arms encircle her. She cried. And she didn’t miss the feeling of his damp cheek on the top of her head.

~ xxx ~

Things had been quiet since that night, but he’d been around more. He’d stay at least one night every two weeks and he’d stopped bringing her wine. He’d also given her the number of his burner phone. They hadn’t talked about it, Karen had just found it in her phone one night.

Maybe she should have forced the topic but, in all honesty, she was burying her head in the sand too.

When he came into the bathroom one morning to find her hunched over the toilet, the look on his face as he pulled back her hair had broken her heart all over again.

This journey and all of these new experiences, they might not be pleasant but they were a sign of the life growing inside her. But instead of excitement, it was all just a reminder of what he’d lost. If Karen was honest with herself, she was scared that’s all this would ever be for him. Something so horrifically painful he couldn’t live with it.

She almost didn’t tell him about the first ultrasound, but that evening before he left, she’d pushed the appointment letter into his palm. He scanned it, seeing the date for two days time.

“Can you make it?” she asked quietly.

He nodded. “I’ll meet you outside your office” he kissed her cheek with the lightest of contact.

That morning, she told Ellison she had a doctor’s appointment and ducked out just before 11am. Frank was waiting across the road, hands in his pockets, hood up.

They walked shoulder to shoulder, hopping on the subway.

She felt his hand on her lower back as he followed her into the clinic. She had never done any of this before. This was her first time, her first pregnancy. But it wasn’t his first time. He’d been through this twice before. Sometimes she could forget that. But other times, she could see it in his eyes, the way it brought it all back.

As they sat in the waiting room, she slipped her hand into his. He took it, squeezing it and bringing it to his lips.

It felt surreal, laying on that table with the cold gel on her belly and a blurry image on the screen. She was trying not to look at Frank, but he was squeezing her hand so she knew he was there. When she did glance at him, his eyes were glassy.

Armed with sonogram images and reassurances that everything looked good, they said their goodbyes and Karen went back to the office.

It was two weeks later when she caught him staring at her. She was rifling through the wardrobe, trying to find a shirt to wear. Frank was sat up in bed, light seeping in through the blinds.

She looked in the mirror beside her and saw what he was staring at. It was barely noticeable in clothes, but as she stood there in her underwear, she could see it. A little bump.

She smoothed a hand over her tummy, feeling emotional again. When she looked at him, he was deep inside his own head, in memories of Maria and his kids. So she grabbed the nearest shirt and slipped out into the kitchen to make some breakfast, leaving him to his thoughts.

A few weeks later, Karen was in the shower, letting the warm spray relax her tense muscles. Work had been hard this week and coming back to an empty apartment had done little to distract her.

There was a familiar ache between her legs and she tried to ignore it as she cleaned up. They hadn’t had sex since she told him she was pregnant and between the nausea, exhaustion and the amplified weight of his loss between them, it hadn’t even crossed her mind. He held her while they slept most nights but it hadn’t felt sexual.

Now she was in the second trimester, the nausea had subsided and her energy was higher. Unfortunately, her sex drive had also returned.

Shutting off the water, she braced one hand against the wall and dipped the other down to take care of it.

He’d spent the weekend last week so it was out of routine for him to find himself outside her door again this soon but the more time went on, the harder it was to be away. Unlocking it with the spare key she’d given him, he closed the door quietly behind him.

The bathroom door was shut so he figured she was in the shower and put the bag on the counter, taking out the prenatal vitamins and moisturiser before putting the ice cream in the freezer. He settled on the couch, kicking off his boots.

When she still hadn’t emerged after fifteen minutes, he approached the door, pressing his ear to it.

He was about to knock when he heard the hitch of her breath. He frowned, concerned she was crying.

Holding his breath so he could hear better, his eyes widened as he realised what he was listening to when the soft hitched breaths turned into a gasp and a quiet moan.

He felt bad invading her privacy like that and almost turned away when he heard his name on her lips as she pleasured herself.

Thinking back, they hadn’t had sex in months. His jeans were tight, blood pooling in his groin.

He didn’t want to scare her, so he knocked quietly. “Karen…? It’s me”

He tried the door and it was unlocked. There she was, damp hair sticking to her back, skin flushed with arousal. She had no idea how breathtakingly beautiful she was.

She looked a little embarrassed until her gaze dropped to the bulge in his pants.

He held out a hand to help her out of the shower and kissed her long and slow, the moisture on her skin dampening his clothes until they stuck to him. She melted into his touch and as his hand dipped between her legs, he felt just how turned on she was. She clung to his biceps when his fingers danced over her, making her legs weak.

Reaching down to turn on the faucet in the tub, he made sure the temperature was warm before pulling his wet shirt over his head. She took the hint, unbuckling his belt and popping the button on his jeans. Pushing them down along with his underwear, he kicked them off and stepped into the tub. He wasn’t a small man, so it was a tight squeeze as she climbed in, settling between his legs, her back against his chest. She laid her head on his shoulder and he craned his neck to kiss her again.

This time when his fingers dipped between her legs, senses heightened by the warm water and his hard body behind her, wrapped all around her, she didn’t worry about staying quiet. The gasps and heady moans echoed off the tile of the bathroom and she arched her back, fingers going white with the force she gripped the lip of the tub.

“Frank” she panted, rocking against him as her climax built to a crescendo.

She fell over the precipice with a cry and he put a hand on her forehead, pulling it back against his shoulder so he could see her face as she came undone.

As she came down, she felt him tense underneath her and then his erection was twitching against her back, spilling onto her skin. He’d reached his own orgasm from nothing but watching her climax and the friction of her rocking against him as she did so. She wasn’t sure she’d ever experience anything hotter.

He helped her sit up a little so he could splash water over her skin and his stomach, handing her a towel. She rubbed her hair a little, not bothering to dry it properly in favour of crawling to bed with him.

Rolling over and settling into a spoon position, she took his hand and pressed it to the bump, covering it with her own.

She had started to feel the baby move, little fluttering sensations, and had been apprehensive to tell him. It was barely noticeable from the outside, but she knew when he’d felt it too because he buried his face in her shoulder.

~ xxx ~

When Foggy had texted about dinner and drinks, she almost didn’t reply. They’d invited her out before, just over a month ago, and she’d made an excuse – something about being too busy with work. But she couldn’t ignore them forever. She didn’t want to isolate herself.

She was showing now, there was no denying it. But she wasn’t sure she was ready to tell them and face the barrage of questions, so she picked a baggy sweater. Foggy wasn’t the most observant of people and Matt was, well, blind.

Foggy was already at the table when she made it to the restaurant. He stood to give her a hug and she kept it light, sitting down opposite him.

“Long time no see” he told her, pushing the bottle of beer in her direction.

She avoided it, making small talk and perusing the menu until Matt arrived. The waitress led him over to the table and she smiled despite herself when she saw him.

He greeted Foggy and she stood so he could kiss her on the cheek before taking her seat again.

As he sat down beside her, she watched him hold his breath and frown.

Foggy excused himself to the bathroom and they made light conversation until he couldn’t stop himself from asking the question anymore.

“You…you know you’re pregnant right?” he asked quietly. “I can hear another heartbeat” he explained when she just sat there in stunned silence.

She pulled herself together, laughing out loud despite herself. His concern that she might not know was sweet and amusing to her.

“Foggy hasn’t noticed yet but…” she took his hand and placed it over her stomach. “…it’s getting hard to miss”

“Weren’t you going to tell us?” he asked, and he almost sounded hurt, palm still resting against her bump.

She sighed. “I don’t know…guess I hadn’t decided if I was ready yet”

“Congratulations Karen…I’m really happy for you” he told her genuinely. “I didn’t know you were seeing someone”

She bit her lip. “It’s pretty new” she skirted the subject. “It was a bit of a surprise but I’m excited…I think”

They shut up when Foggy returned and Matt subtly took the beer he’d left in front of her and drank it himself.

She appreciated Matt keeping it to himself but she knew she needed to tell Foggy. When she did, he nearly choked on his food, Matt having to slap him hard on the back to dislodge it.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked, the volume making her wince.

“Who’s the mystery man?” he asked when he’d caught his breath.

She looked down at her food.

Matt took a slow breath as it dawned on him.

“No…” Foggy looked between Matt and Karen.

“No…no, no, no” Karen corrected him.

“Oh…I just figured” he looked embarrassed as Matt winced.

They dropped it there, finishing their food discussing lighter topics. Matt insisted on walking her home so they bid goodbye to Foggy, promising to catch up again soon.

“Karen don’t tell me it’s…is it…it’s Frank isn’t it?” Matt whispered as they walked. She hushed him, glancing around to make sure no one was within earshot. “Karen…”

“Don’t lecture me Matt…don’t even think about it”

He looked taken aback by that.

“Don’t you dare tell me he’s dangerous or that I’m being reckless” she snapped. “Yes, I didn't plan to get pregnant but it wasn't some one night stand…I love him Matt”

She could see those words had winded him.

He considered everything for a moment before he spoke again. “I just want you to be happy”

“I am” she told him as they rounded the corner to her apartment building.

“Then I’m happy for you. Is he taking good care of you?”

She nodded before she remembered he couldn’t see it. “Yeah…he’s had some practice”

She asked him if he wanted to come up for a coffee and he agreed.

“I’ve got another scan tomorrow…”

“The heartbeat is strong” he smiled.

“That will never not be weird” she unlocked the front door, surprised to see Frank on the couch.

“Hey” she breathed, feeling Matt tense up behind her as he sensed the other man’s presence. They didn’t like each other, that was clear.

“Sorry…I should have texted before I showed up” Frank stood. “I can get out of your hair for a bit”

“No it’s fine, stay” she asked and he sat with a short nod.

She helped Matt find the armchair and moved over to the kitchen island to put the kettle on and set out two mugs.

The two men regarded one another carefully. The silence was deafening.

She brought them each a coffee, Frank’s black with no sugar and Matt’s with milk. Pouring herself some water, she took a seat on the couch beside Frank – not quite touching but close enough to feel the warmth radiating from him.

“Congratulations” Matt spoke eventually, aiming the word at Frank.

Frank glanced at her before he responded. “Thanks”

“He can hear the heartbeat” she whispered, subconsciously putting a hand on the bump. “Thought maybe I didn’t know” she smiled despite herself and the corner of Frank’s mouth twitched too, breaking the tension.

“Hey, I can’t see you…some women give birth without ever knowing they were pregnant” Matt replied defensively.

“Yeah the constant vomiting and not being able to fit in any of my work skirts gave it away”

The atmosphere was relaxed enough after that for them to chat freely. Frank didn’t say much, just listened to them talk about some cases Matt had been working on and Karen’s latest article. After a while, Frank went to take a shower.

“Is he living here?” Matt asked. “If I’m prying too much just tell me to go”

She laughed, taking another sip of water. “No, but he stays over one or two nights a week now”

“Is he still…finishing business?” Matt asked through gritted teeth.

Karen shrugged. She didn’t ask him what he did when he wasn’t with her. She’d made a promise, when they started all of this, that she wouldn’t ask for more than he could give. She didn’t need to remind him how much was at stake now if any of that turned up at her door. He knew that better than most people would ever comprehend.

All she knew was that it had been months since he’d come back battered and bloody. The occasional black eye was the worst of it and honestly, she didn’t recognise him without one anymore.

Matt left shortly afterwards, making her promise to come to dinner again in a few weeks.

~ xxx ~

Today, they’d find out the gender of the baby. She didn’t want to wait. Frank hadn’t argued.

She didn’t have a preference for a boy or girl, as long as the baby was healthy. She didn’t ask Frank, knowing that he’d be thinking of Lisa and Frank Jr either way.

She watched his face as he looked at the image on the screen with wide eyes. He had never anticipated experiencing all of this again, so it was both heart-warming and heart wrenching in equal measure.

She watched his face crease with emotion when they were told they were having a little girl.

He sank into himself the rest of the day. It was a familiar routine now.

She was on the couch when he came to her. She hid her surprise when he laid his head in her lap and pressed his lips to her tummy.

“Tell me about her…maybe it’ll help” she carded her fingers through his hair. He leaned into her touch when she let her nails scratch at his scalp gently.

“That’s not fair on you” he whispered.

“She was your wife Frank, I want you to talk about her. I don’t want you to keep all of that inside because you don’t want to hurt my feelings. She was the mother of your children; we’re linked together forever”

He seemed comforted by that sentiment, that Karen was in some way part of that bond. She didn’t want him to be alone with that anymore.

He gathered his thoughts for a while before speaking.

“I’d been dating Maria for three months when she found out she was pregnant” he admitted. Karen didn’t miss the similarity of the situation they found themselves in now. “She said pretty much the same thing you did…that she’d understand if I didn’t want to stick around”

No wonder this experience was opening old wounds for him.

“It was a shock, but I didn’t even have to think about it”

She stopped to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“I was on deployment when Lisa was born…missed a lot of this stuff” he gestured to the sonogram image on the coffee table. “Maria had to do that on her own and I felt so guilty that I wasn’t there to hold her hand”

Karen welled up at that, thinking about her own fear that he’d miss the birth of their baby.

“But she was so strong…” he whispered. “I’ll never forget the first time I held my baby girl…it hadn’t sunk in until she was in my arms, that I was a dad. She was so tiny Karen…I stayed up all night just lookin’ at her. I couldn’t believe I made that, y’know?”

Karen nodded, feeling overwhelmed but putting on a brave face. He reached out and took her hand in his. “I feel guilty that this is supposed to be the most exciting time of your life and I’m taking that away from you”

She shook her head, wiping her eyes. “This must be so hard for you Frank” she whispered. “And I can’t help but blame myself for putting you through it…you didn’t want to be a dad again, I know you didn’t”

She’d been feeling this way for months, so it was a rush of emotion to get it out in the open.

“Karen, don’t” he pleaded, reaching up to catch the tears with his thumb. “I am excited” he admitted. “It’s just hard”

She swallowed down the fear that he was just here out of obligation. Pushed away the thoughts that she would never be Maria.

“I didn’t even have to think about it this time either” he told her, holding her gaze so she could feel the weight behind his words. “I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t asked myself if you’d be better, safer, if I disappeared. But you deserve better than me leaving under some bullshit pretence that it was for your own good. If I’d gone, it would have been because I was scared. And I am scared. But I’m also so excited”

The smile he gave her reached his eyes and was so bright it brought a lump to her throat. She’d never seen him look so light and full of hope. That’s all she’d ever wanted for him and knowing he was excited too, it lifted a huge weight from her chest.

She leaned down to press her lips to his and he reciprocated, slow and soft.

“I don’t want you to hide how you feel Frank. I want to be here for you when you’re grieving as much as I want to see you smile like that again”

“And I don’t want you to hide when you’re excited because you’re worried it might remind me of them” he countered.

She stroked the stubble along his jaw and nodded.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Frank’s eyes closing at the feel of Karen massaging his scalp, his ear pressed to the bump. Then he spoke, voice low and gravelly.

“Murdock give you shit for getting knocked up by a mass murderer?”

She laughed loudly at the ridiculous truth of that statement. “He didn’t get the chance. I told him to keep it to himself”

“He’s just worried about you” Frank mumbled sleepily.

Karen sighed, running a finger over Frank’s bottom lip. She wasn’t interested in Matt’s concern anymore. Regardless of how Matt felt about Frank’s methods, he knew what he’d been through. And deep down, he knew Karen and Frank were more alike than she and Matt would ever be.

~ xxx ~

Karen returned home from work early that day. Ellison had sent her home when he’d opened the door to her office and found her slumped over the latest article she was proof-reading. Powering through the exhaustion was getting harder and harder as time went on. She’d crawled into bed and fallen asleep immediately.

She’d woken a few hours later to Frank sitting on the end of the bed, watching her sleep. When her eyes opened, he came to sit beside her, brushing some hair out of her face.

She blinked the haze from her eyes, sitting up to sip the water he passed her from the bedside table.

“I talked to Madani” he told her and she looked up at him curiously. “Thought she might be able to help get us a place that was safe…registered to a false name and off the radar y’know?”

She frowned a little until she realised he was talking about a house, a house for them, that they would live in together…

“What did she say?” she asked quietly. It was typical of Frank, to drop something so significant and brush over it like it was no big deal.

“Between her and David, I think they’ve found something that would work…”

She let a smile take over her features.

“It’s nothing big, just a little two bed place just outside the city” he said quickly, trying to manage her expectations.

She reached for him, bringing him in for a sweet kiss. He returned it, smiling against her lips despite himself.

“You told David?” she asked.

“Just him and Madani, I should have told you I’m sorry”

She shook her head to show him it was okay. Frank trusted them, so she did too.

“He cried when I told him”

Her heart clenched at that. It was nice to know Frank had someone else rooting for his happy ending.

“Maybe when she’s born he can meet her…if it’s safe”

She smiled, it was a beautiful image.

She winced and his brow creased with concern. She reassured him it was just a kick aimed at her ribs and followed him into the kitchen to see the pictures of their new place. It was surreal. In just under a month, they’d be living together in their own home.

Until then though, Frank would come and go every few days.

It was Monday morning when she woke early. Something didn’t feel right. Pushing back the comforter, she froze at the sight of blood. Ice cold panic washed through her for a moment until she took a deep breath and channelled the adrenaline into action.

She made her way to the bathroom slowly, listening to the signals she was getting from her body. She needed to get checked out.

With a calm she didn’t quite feel, she pulled up Frank’s burner number. She’d considered not calling him to save him the worry but if she didn’t and something happened, it would be unforgivable.

He answered on the second ring and she could tell she’d woken him.

“Karen…is everything okay?” he asked. She’d never called the number before so he knew something was amiss.

“Would you mind coming over?” she asked, her wavering voice betraying her.

He read the situation perfectly. She heard him get up, rustling sounds as he moved quickly.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes okay?”

She was back in the bedroom when he arrived, dressed and waiting. He scanned the apartment on autopilot, always looking for danger, when he spotted the bloody sheets in the sink. Glancing back at her, he could see she was doing her best to hold it together. He wouldn’t make that harder.

“C’mon, let’s go” he gestured to the front door. They didn’t speak on the way down to the parking lot, and he didn’t say anything when she pulled out a towel to cover the passenger seat.

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye as he sped towards the nearest hospital. She was staring out of the window, watching the cars pass on the other side of the highway but she wasn’t really looking.

He dropped her outside the entrance to urgent care while he found somewhere to leave the van, hoping the beard he’d been growing out was enough that no one would notice him. There was no reason for them to be looking, there hadn’t been in a while anyway.

She wasn’t in the waiting room and when he asked a passing nurse, he was shooed away. He sat down, fingers tapping nervously on his thigh as he tried to keep his temper under control. This wasn’t time for the Punisher. He texted her and after a few minutes, someone called for Pete Castiglione. He followed, finding Karen in a gown behind a curtain. Her calm front was slipping a little now she was lying on a table and hooked up to a machine. To an outsider she still looked composed but Frank knew her. The tell-tale signs were all there. But despite being absolutely terrified, she was so strong.

Sitting forward in the chair beside her, elbows resting on his knees, he prayed. He wasn’t a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, didn’t even really know who he was praying to. But he asked the universe, for all the times it had shit on him and everything that he’d already lost, to please just let this baby be okay.

It felt like a lifetime, sitting behind that curtain and waiting.

Eventually, a doctor came in, closing the curtain again for privacy. She asked some questions, whether they’d had sex in the last few days and whether she was in any pain.

Karen saw the relief flood through Frank when they heard the heartbeat again and the doctor confirmed the baby was okay. When she reached for his hand he took it, pressing his lips to the top of her wrist.

They were quiet on the ride back to her apartment. She turned the latest sonogram over in her hands, contemplating the strict bed rest she was now on until the baby was born.

She followed him into the apartment and let out a breath she’d been holding all morning when he pulled her into his chest. She had to hug him sideways now the bump was so big, but it still felt good when he wrapped his big arms around her. He let her go with a kiss on the top of her head and a gesture towards the bedroom.

She sent a quick text to Ellison to let him know she’d have to work from home up until her maternity leave started. He’d replied quickly, telling her not to worry about work.

She was just trying to get comfortable when Frank came in with a glass of water. He sat on the end of the bed and peeled back the comforter, taking her legs over his lap and starting to massage her feet and ankles.

She watched him with quiet curiosity, enjoying the feeling of his strong palms rubbing the ache away.

“Maria’s ankles used to swell up like crazy” he offered, eyes trained on the sole of her foot as he worked it with his thumbs. “I rubbed her feet for her every night I was home, figured it was the least I could do”

Grateful he was sharing, she adjusted her position so she could see him better.

“You said you were away when Lisa was born…what about Frank Jr?”

He laughed a little. “I made it back by the skin of my teeth. He was due on the Monday and I was booked on a flight back two weeks earlier. But Maria went into labour as I was boarding. She was on gas and air, screaming the place down when I got there”

Karen winced and he rubbed her shin apologetically.

“He was in my arms half an hour later” he smiled fondly.

She saw the moment the happy memory turned into a flashback. Saw him re-live the moment they were ripped away from him as he let go of her and stood up, running a pained hand over his face to bring himself back to the present. She had to force herself to remember that he didn’t want her to stop asking about them, even if it was hard for him.

~ xxx ~

Moving day came around quickly. They didn’t have a lot of belongings between them but she had stacks of articles and an embarrassing number of skirts and blouses that hadn’t fit for five months now. She also knew there was also a box of firearms somewhere but she didn’t ask, some questions were best left unasked.

Seeing _their_ house for the first time was surreal, pulling up to the driveway that led to a garage. Inside was light and airy, with French doors that opened into the backyard.

Frank had surprised her with the nursery. He’d been coy about it when he showed her, rubbing the back of his neck and voicing concern she might be upset she hadn’t chosen the décor herself.

“It’s perfect Frank” she’d whispered, taking in all the little details. The walls were painted lilac with butterfly decals in pinks, oranges and blues. The crib was white, a mobile of stars and moon hanging over it. In the corner was a white wood rocking chair.

That night, the first in their new house, had been magical. They ordered take-out considering all their cooking utensils were still boxed somewhere, eating it on the couch.

This was a lot. Karen knew it was everything Frank thought he’d never have, maybe even never _want_ again.

But he hadn’t been brooding or quiet. Instead, his fingers had drawn patterns on her upper arm as they sat on the couch talking. He’d opened up about buying a house with Maria, about decorating the nursery for Lisa. As he locked up for the night, he’d admitted he wasn’t sure he deserved this, that he was petrified something bad would happen and he’d lose it all again.

Karen had pressed her forehead to his, muttering reassuring words as she stroked his face and kissed him. 

Sex had been hit and miss the entire pregnancy but since the strict order of bed rest, they hadn’t crossed second base. He hadn’t complained, in fact, he’d hesitated when she tried to initiate something that night.

“Please” she’d whispered in the dark, running her hands over the hard planes of his chest.

Nestling in behind her, he’d hooked her leg over his.

He was so gentle it took her breath away.

This was about the only position that worked now and while the slow, shallow thrusts drove her crazy, the build up sent her crashing into a mind-numbing orgasm.

His shuddering breaths against her neck signalled his own climax and she groaned when his hand brushed her tender breast, drawing a low chuckle from his throat. It had become a running joke between them now, how her once humble cleavage spilled out of everything she wore.

Less than three weeks later, her waters broke in the middle of the night and she woke to a strange sensation and soaked sheets. Frank had always slept light, on alert 24/7. He’d sat up quickly, a hand on the gun he kept in the nightstand.

Then he felt the damp sheets and it dawned on him.

The baby hadn’t been due for another three weeks but that apparently wasn’t stopping her making an early appearance.

Blinking so his eyes would adjust to the low light in the room, Frank helped her out of bed and into the tub, letting her sit in the warm water for a while as he finished up the hospital bag. When he returned she was mid-contraction and he knelt beside her, offering her his hand to squeeze.

She was calm, breathing through the pain as he drove her to the hospital. He’d quickly worked out that he should stay quiet during a contraction, letting her work through it with his hand in hers or rubbing reassuring circles on her back. He’d noted how far apart they were, giving the information to the nurse on duty as she sat on the birthing ball. He was kneeling so she could rest her hands on his shoulders, in their own little world.

“You guys are pros…guessing this isn’t your first baby?”

Karen squeezed his hand at that, this time in support rather than because she was in the midst of a particularly strong contraction.

“Her first…my third” he replied quietly, returning the pressure of his hand in hers. “But she’s holding it together for both of us right now”

Karen shot him a grateful smile before it turned into a scowl again, gritting her teeth against the rolling pain.

After four exhausting hours, she was finally pushing. She could only imagine what she looked like in that moment, legs in the air and hair matted with sweat. But he was looking at her with nothing but wonder.

With one final push, the room was suddenly filled with cries and there was a baby on her chest. She looked down at the tiny miracle, overwhelmed with love. They let Frank cut the cord and then took the baby away to clean her up and weigh her.

Karen’s whole body was thrumming. It felt like she was floating, pain, adrenaline and exhaustion flooding her senses.

She looked up at Frank, mumbling something incoherent about not being able to see where they’d taken her.

“She’s okay…I can see her. I won’t let her out of my sight” he promised.

She relaxed at that, letting her head drop back onto the pillow.

Frank leaned down to kiss her, stroking her face. “I love you” he whispered, and it struck her that this was the first time he’d ever said those words to her.

“I love you too” she told him, wiping away a tear as it dripped down his face.

Watching them place his new-born daughter in his arms, seeing the wide-eyed look on his face when he held her for the first time filled Karen with so much love. He was besotted, counting her fingers and toes and muttering words that were for her ears only.

Karen held her for a little while after that, having a go at getting her to latch on and feed with mixed success. She was flagging though; absolutely exhausted and so Frank was quick to take over again.

Waking up a few hours later confused and disorientated, she didn’t move a muscle, not wanting to alert Frank to the fact that she was awake.

He was sitting in the chair across from the bed in true Frank fashion, legs spread and taking up too much space in the room. But what really had her dizzy was seeing that they’d had him take off his shirt, swaddling the baby against his chest for some skin-to-skin contact. She had one of his fingers in her fist and his hands were nearly as big as her whole body. Despite that, he handled her so delicately.

It had struck her immediately – he was a natural. He knew how to hold her to protect her neck and head, how to comfort her and make her feel safe. Every time she made a little noise of distress, he’d bounce his knee lightly and she’d settle down. He was made for this and Karen had never felt so proud to be the woman that gave him another chance at this.

It had taken him a while to glance up, lost in looking at his baby daughter. But when he met Karen’s eyes, the sleepy smile on his face was everything.

The next day, they were allowed to take her home.

They hadn’t chosen a name yet, and she was reminded of that as she sat in the rocking chair feeding their daughter.

“What shall we call you huh?” she whispered, tiny little fists clutching Karen’s shirt.

When she’d had her fill, Karen put her in the Moses basket, carrying her into the kitchen so they could keep an eye on her.

Karen had just settled on the couch, still in pain from everything her body had been through, when the room was filled with cries again.

“I’ve just fed you tiny girl…please stop crying…”

Before Karen could get up, Frank was there. He picked her up, nestling her in the crook of his arm and, as if by magic, she stopped crying.

“That’s getting annoying” Karen joked, drawing a chuckle from Frank.

He’d barely taken his eyes off her since she was born, finding it difficult to leave her alone for more than a few minutes at a time. Karen could understand why that might be.

Less than ten minutes later, she was fast asleep and Frank gently lowered her back into the basket, tucking the blankets around her.

When Karen winced at the twinge in her stitches, he pulled her into a sympathetic hug. “This doesn’t work as well at stopping me whining you know” she smiled, resting her head on his chest.

“Have you picked a name?” he asked after a while, stroking her hair.

She looked down and shook her head, intertwining their fingers. “I want you to choose it”

He turned their joined hands over, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “I don’t know…” he whispered. “I don’t think…”

She waited for him to finish.

“Nothing similar…”

“Okay” she pressed a kiss to the top of his hand.

“What about Grace?” he asked after a short pause. “That’s what I think about, when I look at her…”

Karen smiled. “It suits her”

“I can’t even believe she’s mine…” he whispered.

Karen let her head drop back onto his chest, just letting him be lost in thought. When he spoke, he shared it with her and she felt just how far he’d come.

“Lisa used to cry herself to sleep every night for a week when I was away. Maria told me when I came back from my last deployment. Said she hadn’t told me before that because she didn’t want me to think about them when I was out there, worried if I did I might make a mistake and get hurt. Those are the things I have to make peace with y’know?” he told her, voice low as his fingers traced patterns on her upper arm. “I had to compartmentalise all that shit…be a different person”

“You’re a leader Frank, you make people stronger…you did there and you do here”

Karen could see that was hard for him to hear, even as he leaned down to tuck a tiny foot back in where the little one had kicked the blanket away. He was such a good dad, it broke her heart that it was taken away from him. Nothing would ever replace the family he had, but seeing him with their little girl, she knew he was healing and that was enough. 


End file.
